[FREAK OUT]

Math final tomorrow. Honors math usually never finishes their final exams.

Which means I'm fucking screwed because I haven't studied shit. Because I've been doing other stupid shit.

Like talking to Ricky for over an hour. Well I don't think that was a waste of time.

And then talking to John.

He asked me what I'd say if he asked me out, in a hypothetical world, where my sister, the girl he loves, Ricky, and Frank wouldn't exist…a.k.a. we could actually be together. And I said yes.

He was very pleased to hear that.

But of course nothing can ever come of it.

He told me I was cute and that he was absolutely sure that in the future I would have many suitors to choose from. It made me happy to talk to him, because he said he enjoyed talking to me, and a bunch of other stuff.

But why do I feel like crying?

I really don't know…I would be right now if my sister wasn't in the room.

She'd think it was because of Ricky or something.

I canceled ice cream plans with John tomorrow. Because I'm going to a friend's Chanukahmas Party – it may sound lame, but hopefully it won't be.

But John said he definitely wants to hang out on Friday. Hopefully I can convince my parents to let me go – alone – with him. I don't think they'll be too happy when I pitch out the idea, but they'll probably cave in anyway.

<WHAT THE FUCK>

Shouldn't I be feeling happy right now? Because I know that John actually has feelings for me back? I guess it just sucks to know that we can't actually work out.

Either that, or I'm just feeling shitty because I'm PMSing or something. God, if it's that, I'm gonna be so embarrassed. I'll go laugh at myself later. I have a bunch of work to do before I got to bed.

I love you guys so much!