100th Post

My birthday is in two days.
I'm finally turning fifteen.
I should be happy, right? But I'm not. My chihuahua, Spike, died Friday morning. He had been sick all week, and every day when I'd get home I'd sit on the floor with him and just cry, because it was like slowly watching him die. He started getting really fat and swollen, and like his feet started getting cold because blood stopped circulating through his poor little feet...it was completely horrible.
I cried so much. I kind of like realized he would die, and that it was for the better so that he would stop suffering, but still, when I woke up Friday morning, I knew he was dead.
He was out of his blanket that we had wrapped so carefully around him, and he lay on the cold tile floor, simply lifeless, stiff, and with a puddle of urine all around him.
He died trying to use the restroom.
I cried so hard.
I cried harder when he was buried.
I tried not to cry during school when I told my friends the reason as to why I was so lifeless that day.
I cried when I got in the car afterschool.
I cried when I got home.
I cried the next day when I went to the store and we had to buy dog food for the other dogs that live outside.
I cried that night when we ate pizza and I accidentally dropped some food on the floor...he didn't come out to lick it up.
I cried some more when my dad got drunk and decided to yell "SPIKE IS DEAD!". He felt bad afterwards.
I tried not to cry when I read in my C.C.E. class book that humans are the only ones with immortal souls. Does that mean that dogs don't go to heaven?
I cried today during mass. Tears just started flowing. John wrapped his arm around me. This weekend, I have felt the love of so many people. Even Gage. We started talking, and I told him about it. He seems to have changed. He said he'd call me later tonight so that we can catch up.
I hope I'm not falling into some sort of trap of his.
And if I am, oh well.
My Quinceanera is in two weeks. I am super excited, even though it may not show at the moment.
My mom said she'd get me another chihuahua after my party. But it won't be the same. I loved Spike so much...I practically grew up with him. Seven years...and he could've kept going had he not gotten sick.
I love you guys <3